


Practical Jokes

by BlueFlashbang



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Based on a Tumblr Post, F/F, Laughter, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 06:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14255283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueFlashbang/pseuds/BlueFlashbang
Summary: A whoopee cushion that Lapis learns about drives her and Peridot into tricking each other with it for the day.





	Practical Jokes

**Author's Note:**

> this fic is based on a concept jenhedgehog posted on tumblr: http://jenhedgehog.tumblr.com/post/172684870908/a-concept-lapis-discovers-whoopee-cushions-she
> 
> considering i spent only 26 hours on this work, i have no rest or capacity to even see if there are any errors. but i wanted to publish this right away so jen wouldn't have to wait. i hope you dudes enjoy another one of my works.

The coffee table in the temple's living room was holding a scattered pile of prizes normally found in human gift shops and arcades. And surrounding the clump of items were two gems, randomly inspecting each of them for their amusement and curiosity. Lapis was by Amethyst’s side while they were putting on bizarrely shaped glasses and testing slingshots that barely hurt people. They looked like things that belonged strewn in the barn somewhere. At least that’s what the blue gem thought and wanted. One other thing she also thought was where Pearl was able to find them so she could quire such novelties. 

“So these are things that Pearl gives to Steven when he finishes training?” Lapis inquires.

“Yeah, but she keeps leaving ‘em in the sky arena so I stole everything just to show you.” Amethyst replies jokingly. “Maybe you can use them for your meep morps or whatever they’re called.” 

“Thanks, but wouldn’t she notice?”

“Nah you’re good. I mean, just look at how much of this junk I managed to pull out in that fanny pack over here…”

While scavenging some more, the last thing Lapis found was something she knew couldn’t possibly fit in Pearl’s fanny pack, only she was completely unsure on what it was. It simply looked like a deflated pillow painted red, or maybe an expired cinnamon bun. She picks it up and examines it carefully but found absolutely no clue on what it could be. “Hmm…What the heck is this supposed to be?”

Amethyst glances and chuckles inaudibly. “I didn’t know that was in there.” she says and takes the object out of her hand. “Okay, this here is called a “whoopee cushion”, and you kinda use it to make ‘physical’ jokes or something like that.”

Lapis did not want to ask any more questions during her stay in the temple. But she was sure that Amethyst understood how she was fresh to all this. “In what way exactly…?” she asks while scratching her hair. “It looks like the LAST thing you would want to use to make jokes with…”

The purple gem suddenly stood up and needlessly cleared her throat. “Observe, Lapis.” 

She gently lay the whoopee cushion on top a part of the couch and dusted off the crest. Afterward, she faced the opposite direction of the pad, presenting her poised grin to Lapis’ view. The purple gem later bounced slightly from the ground and coarsely landed bottom first onto the whoopee cushion, revealing the effect of the item. The thump caused the two gems to perceive an absurd clatter that sounded disgusting, and yet oddly amusing. 

PLLBBBBBBBBBBGHH

Lapis’ eyes widened from the noise until it slowly finished with silence. It was definitely surprising to hear loudness come out of something seemingly unusable, and the noise triggered her into hilarity and tried visibly to hold her grin soon after. But out of nowhere, she snorted and uncontrollably brought out a firm round of laughter while Amethyst joined in.  
Now the blue gem understood what it was for; fart jokes, possibly the best and easiest humor to exist on Earth. 

“And the best part is…there’s no smell, just the sound.” Amethyst says and gets off the whoopee cushion. “Wanna give it a go?”

Lapis snorts one more time. “No, maybe later.” She replies. The whoopee cushion was taken out of the couch as the blue gem examined it again, imagining how priceless it would be to test it on someone else. It was like how she and Steven could make the same noise with their hand pressed on their mouth but it was WAY funnier. Anyone who sat on it would be more shocked than how Lapis was, hearing a fart come out of dead balloon. “You know what Amethyst, I think I want to bring this whoopee cushion with me to the barn…” she says.

“What are ya gonna use it for?” 

The blue gem gaped at her and grinned. “…I’m going to trick Peridot into sitting down on this.” 

Amethyst wheezed and chuckled hysterically. “Ah man, she’s going to freak out hard!” she exclaims ecstatic, secretly proud of the blue gem for wanting to prank her roommate. 

“Mhm.” Lapis nods. “It’s going to be fun...for me at least.”

“Dude, you should come back here later and tell me how she reacts.” Amethyst says. “You’re completely allowed to take the whoopee cushion with you, since I won’t tell Pearl about it anyway.” 

… … … … …

After Lapis’ visit to the temple, she flew home shortly with the whoopee cushion hidden behind her back. She entered the barn and looked all over the place. Peridot wasn’t seen anywhere, but she overheard her and Pumpkin being busy with their farm outside. So that gave the blue gem enough time to figure out how she was going to use her new jesting armament. 

When would the two gems normally sit down? She imagined convincing Peridot to use the tractor and the seat had the whoopee cushion on it, but it could be too late since she was already in the farm. And who knows? It was probably dangerous, too. She hummed and ambled across the room, until spotting the olive green couch she and her roommate normally used to watch the TV indoors. “I could go for another marathon right about now.” She utters.

She flew to the second floor and plants the object onto Peridot’s seat. Her grin was already appearing and could hardly be contained. If only she knew that whoopee cushions existed before so she could elusively tease her partner and capture amusement in hearing the repulsive sound it made. Her snare of a joke was prepared, and glanced at the barn’s open doors to see a shadow closing in. Peridot had just arrived, and definitely just in time. 

“Oh, hey Lapis!” Peridot says immediately when she saw her favorite roommate from above. “When did you show up?”

“I uh, just came now.” Lapis replies and tries not to act suspicious. “…So Peridot, do you want to watch some more Camp Pining Hearts today?”

“But we just finished binge watching season’s three to four of CPH yesterday.” Peridot retorts.

“Well do you want to do it again…?” Lapis proposes.

The green gem gasps from excitement. “I never thought you’d ask!” she exclaims. “I’ll go set up our TV. Stay where you are, Laz.”

Now everything was going according to plan, and in fast pace too. Peridot rushed to the second floor and picked up the numerous VHS tapes holding the episodes she and Lapis have watched for a million times now. As the TV was being set up in front of the couch, Lapis took a seat down on her part of the couch and waited patiently for Peridot to finish up. Her finger was tapping repeatedly against the armrest while the green gem finally inserted the tape on the VHR. The intro and a preview of the previous episode displayed. Now Peridot could finally sit down and snare herself into Lapis’ prank. 

“Alright Lapis, get ready to stay up and finish all these¬¬–––” Peridot says and sits on her part of her sofa, completely unaware of the add-on on her seat. The whoopee cushion ultimately set off the moment the green gem relaxed on the couch. Hence forth, the noise returned.  
PLLBBBBBBBBBBGHHH

Peridot screeched from fear and immediately jumps out of her seat. She accidently crashes on the floorboards while trembling slightly, quickly shifting her facial expression from overjoyed to frighten. “What the heck was that?!” she loudly inquires.

She gawked at Lapis, who was suddenly bursting with laughter and glee. Her eyes were tightly shut and her fist lightly bashed the armrest as she let her awaited comicalness emit. She snorted and chuckled every second while Peridot was still in shock and confusion. The sound of Peridot screaming promptly with the fart noises practically killed her.

“Um, that wasn’t me that made the sound, Lapis.” Peridot says a little flustered. 

The blue gem panted and took time to calm down. “Of course I know.” She says. “You just fell into my trap, Peri.”  
She grabs the whoopee cushion and reveals it to the still muddled gem on the floor. Peridot stands up and scrutinizes the maroon pad. She was having the same thoughts Lapis had back in the temple. “You mean that deflated pillow creates a farting noise when I sit on it?” she asks. 

“Yep. And you should’ve seen how precious your face was.” Lapis replies playfully. Peridot was mesmerized by Lapis’ deviousness, catching the same sense of cheerfulness. She giggles mortified and asks for the whoopee cushion to be stowed away for now. 

“Are we still going to finish our marathon?” she inquires.

“Let’s just watch Season 3 for now…” Lapis replies. 

“Aghh darn…” 

… … … … … 

The green gem realized that two could play at this game. If an intellectual gem such as Peridot was gullible enough to sit on a whoopee cushion, it was time for a little payback to be brought against her favorite gem…The CPH marathon was over after an hour, Lapis rose up and went out the truck, deciding to fly around the area a bit for fresh air. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.” She said before taking off. When she wasn’t looking, Peridot recognized she left the whoopee cushion on her seat. It was there that she shiftily grasped the item and ambled downstairs to Lapis’ hammock. “It’s my turn now, Lapis.” 

She sloppily places the cushion on the weaved bed and rushes across the room to hide behind one her meep morps. Chuckling was emanated as she knew her own plan was fool proof. Lapis could take a nap any minute now, and she passed the time by using her tablet on mute. This wasn’t the first time the two gems have bantered with each other and this wasn’t the first time they having fun with it either.

Lapis came back inside eventually, yawning and stretching while she made her way to her hammock. Peridot on the other hand watched from the distance and anticipated the gag to commence. The blue gem silently put herself at ease and got on the hammock. But just like Peridot, she fell right into some gem’s ruse and almost woke herself up.  
PLLBBBGHH, the whoopee cushion went off the third time today. Peridot held her hilarity to see Lapis’ response, only to see how the blue gem was also on the verge of chuckling. She once again let out an outburst of laughter and unable to control herself yet again. And slowly, Peridot was charmed hearing her partner chuckle in delight. And as she kept watching, it was matter of time until Lapis had fallen from her hammock and impacted the floor. 

The green gem gasped and went out of her hiding place. “Oh my gosh!” she shouted, racing across the room and rushing to her roommate. “Lapis, are you hurt?” but she only replied with more laughter. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think you were going to fall–––“

All of a sudden, the noise of the whoopee cushion came again. Peridot discovered the pad under her foot and must have inflated quickly. Hereafter, Lapis’ laughter erupted deeply to the point where she was crying and curling on the floor. Peridot, awestruck by her lawless enjoyment, found herself also gradually grinning and snickering. The whole barn suddenly blew up with the enjoyment of the two gems. Peridot soon fell to the ground abruptly and landed next to Lapis. They gawked at each other as they continued to chuckle unceasingly. Who would think that such a repulsive noise from a simple gag novelty was able to give exploding energy in the barn?  
But as they lay giggling, Peridot pulled Lapis closer to hear her amiable laughter better. Lapis then grasped one of her hands until both of them could calm down. The noises released from them caused Pumpkin to rush into the room, too bemused to even bark at them to stop. The two gems just happened to share the same, senseless sense of humor.

**Author's Note:**

> i owned a whoopee cushion once when i was like 8, and i was exactly like lapis tbh.


End file.
